Caught by Surprise

When Charlie died he was on 4 medications: pain reliever and glucosamine for his arthritis, something to help heal the inflamed lining of his bladder, and something to soothe his inflamed GI tract that we started giving him just a few days before he died. I had asked the vet what we should do with these meds, and he told me that his office has a "charity box" they keep for people who can't afford prescriptions for their pets. I decided to donate Charlie's meds to that. Seemed like a good idea. 

It was harder to do than I would have thought! Taking those meds in there, giving them to someone else, not having them sitting in my kitchen any longer brought me, once again, to tears. Just saying, "These were Charlie's meds." Something in me wants to keep ahold of him - his meds, his favorite blanket, each hair I see on my clothes...it was even hard to clean the bathroom floor from the terrible mess he'd made. It was almost as if leaving it there was like having a small piece of him with me. (Don't worry - the floor is cleaned - didn't leave that mess around!) 

This is a strange journey. The two sides of my heart are in conflict - get yourself together; mourn as long as you want. And poor Tim. He is sad, too, but not like I am. And all he wants is for me to not cry anymore, not be sad much longer. He's being patient, but I can tell my sadness is making him sad. These lovely men who love us - they hate it when we're hurting and there's not much they can do about it! But I am feeling a little better each day, and that is a real relief.