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My house is filled with hyper, screaming, wonderful teenagers. They are sarcastic, teasing one another, alternately helpful and totally self-absorbed. I love the sound of their voices, their activity, their camaraderie, their rivalries.

And for just a moment I wonder if this is what it might feel like to be a mother.

Today I watched Tim playing with my 2 1/2 year old nephew with such bitter-sweetness in my heart. I love to see him enjoying Zachary, and to hear Zachary asking for him. But my heart longs to have a child of our own and see him in Tim's arms.

Ah, the ups and down, the dichotomy of this life we live. It is ever present, all around us. The joy and sorrow, and everything in between.

Tonight, the kids are crowded on my couch, watching a movie, a fire crackling away. Deep contentment. Deep longing. That's what I feel.