Before and after

I was cleaning out the "Sent" box in my e-mail and received a stark reminder of my before and after.

Before Dad came home I was creating a new bread recipe, picking dates to go to Rockies' games, and hoping to ride bikes with friends. I had high hopes for a summer filled with gardening, hiking, and telling Dad everything that had happened while he was gone.

Then for about 2 weeks, every e-mail seems to be titled "Jim", "Dad's illness" or something like that.

I deleted most of the e-mails I sent. Instead of keeping the bad news, I've kept the letters and notes of encouragement and love from all my friends. Those I will keep and read again and again.

I'm trying to keep walking ahead on my road, while spending enough time looking back and crying, remembering, grieving. But I don't think I'll need e-mails I wrote to remember the sad news I had to share.

Today I'm feeling tired, worn out. Is it emotional or physical? Both, probably. Just so much to do in normal life, besides feeling weighed down by the extra things I'm carrying around. Keep trucking. Keep picking away at my tasks. Today I paid a couple bills. Tomorrow I'll do some laundry. And each day is a new day to process memories, cry a little more, heal a little more. Just keep walking.