"Oops"

I'm sitting in bed catching up on e-mails. It seems I'm starting off an awful lot of them with apologies - for taking so long to reply, for not returning a phone call, for just forgetting.

Obviously, my brain isn't quite up to speed. I remember this from when Mom died. It seemed like it was about a year before I really felt like myself in terms of mental functioning. And back then I had a full time job. Man oh, was it a strain! I just had to try my very best. And sometimes that best wasn't very good.

What a state of grace I live in right now - to not have to be working full time, to have so many really fulfilling weekly commitments, for my life to be filled with so many great friends!

And there's more good news.

I'm beginning to really be able to enjoy stuff again. There isn't that layer of bittersweet about everything. Is it because the dreaded first Christmas is past? Is it just a function of time passing?

Whatever it is, I'm very grateful for it. I taught a cooking class this weekend, and it was pure joy. Tim and I had dinner with friends, then went to their house and played a game with them and their kids. Wonderful fun! I've got my spring schedule pretty much figured out and it feels really good. I'm even getting some long-overdue housework done, and it doesn't feel like an overwhelming, unachievable task!

All these things are adding up in the "good" column and adding to my joy. I still have hours, days even, where I miss Dad terribly, and the sum of everything that happened this past summer and fall feels overwhelming, but those are fewer and farther between than even a month ago. I have so much to be thankful for, and my heart is more and more able to focus on those things.

Is life returning to normal - whatever that means? It's beginning to, and it feels good.