Up and down

I feel really sad today. Deep down sad. But I can't seem to figure out why...

Is my body remembering my surgery a year ago today - and the stress that surrounded it?
Is it the tough decisions I need to make about this one friendship?
Is it the anticipated time with my nephews I won't get this week?

Sure wish I could pinpoint where this feeling is coming from so I can get rid of it. I guess I'll just have my breakfast, get on with my crazy, busy day, and see if I can work it out of my system.

Today is Tim's birthday, and we're having a very small celebration with his parents this evening. Tim isn't excited about his birthday. He feels no need to celebrate getting older. He is, indeed, feeling his age, and isn't enjoying that process much at all. Maybe that's getting me down a little.

I said to him last night, "Well, let's celebrate a year of good health for me."

His face lit up with a smile, he gave me a big hug and said that was something really worth celebrating.

"You know," he said, "I told you last year that you never had to give me another present, and I meant it. Getting you safe and sound last year on my birthday was the only present I'll ever need."

I may be feeling sad this morning, but I'm also feeling incredibly grateful for my good recovery, for no more pain, for my health this year.

I'm thankful that with each passing month, my heart is a tiny bit more healed from losing Dad.

I'm thankful for my husband and all we share.

And I'm thankful for today, his birthday. As I told him last night, "Your birthday isn't about celebrating you being a year older. It's about celebrating you being born - and being here with me."

Happy birthday, my love.