Bothered

I'm not sure how many of you care whether or not Lance Armstrong used illegal performance enhancers the years he was dominating the Tour de France, but I do.

And I'm still not convinced of his guilt.

I may be naive. I may be a ridiculous advocate, but until I am shown proof that he used, I am going to say, "He raced clean." In the years he was racing and winning the Tour de France, he passed more than 500 blood tests - at least one everyday he was in the lead of the race or won a stage, and many random tests as well. Over 500! I think that says something.


But I'll admit it is confusing, frustrating, disturbing to see his name in such damning headlines.

Lance Armstrong won his first Tour de France just 3 years after my mom died of breast cancer, and that meant a tremendous amount to me and millions of others who had lost someone to cancer. Sometime that summer, I heard him say that he was greatly motivated by all the cancer survivors out there - and that, in his mind, included those of us who lost someone we love to cancer. That was the first time I'd heard myself referred to as a "cancer survivor" and it was significant - not because I myself had battled the disease, or suffered the treatments, or faced death, but because my heart had almost died from my loss. For someone who had personally battled through illness to health to recognize me as a survivor meant something to me ... so maybe I'm skewed by the passion and commitment he has shown to fighting cancer.

All this stuff floating around in the news makes me question my loyalty, frustrates me, sometimes makes me angry. First of all, why does USADA (U.S. Anti-Doping Agency) care? He isn't racing anymore. Many others have used illegal performance enhancers without being pursued with even close to the same kind of aggression. Is it because he dominated? Is it because he was the first American? Is it because he has fought so hard against these accusations and has refused to submit?

I guess I'm writing all this today to vent a little, but also to say this: If I am ever shown conclusive evidence that this man who did such great things on a bicycle used, I will be sorely disappointed. I will be angry and frustrated. But I won't be crushed or wounded or heart-broken. After all, he's a bicycle racer, not a hero, not a lifesaver, not a god. Just a man. Maybe someday I'll be proven wrong. Meanwhile, maybe we can all just leave him alone and let him fight our common enemy. Cancer. 

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P.S. I'm not the only one who feels this way. In case you want to read a little more...



http://hotair.com/archives/2012/08/24/thanks-a-lot-usada-lance-armstrong-faces-the-loss-of-his-seven-tour-de-france-titles/