Mixed up

I'm a bundle of emotions today.

I'm so thankful that I'm healing well, but I am already becoming impatient with the process and want to be well.

I can't lift my nephews, can barely push them on the swings at the park, or hold my youngest nephew's hand as we cross the street. If he falls or pulls too hard against me, I can feel it deep in my belly. Not a comfortable sensation.

And football season has started, and for the first time in many years I won't debate, tease, push Dad's buttons as we talk football, Broncos, the prospects of the season. I miss his passion, his frustration, his quiet determination as we watched games together. Will I enjoy football in the same way? How long will football make me miss him?

And fall is approaching with slow determination. Each night is a tiny bit cooler, and the days are slowly cooling, too. Soon these will be hints of color in the trees, and the hills will start to show the changing of the seasons. I love fall! It is my favorite season, but this year the prospect of it's beauty is making miss Dad.

So, joy and sorrow, light and heavy, sickness and health. A snapshot of life. Sometimes I just want to be and not have to think or feel. I know that won't happen. It just would be nice. This week, the events of my summer, all that has happened, feels heavy. It feels like a lot to carry around. For today, I'll try to just leave it in that basket by my bed and go back to my book. I think I can disappear there for an hour or so.