Almost here

I'm kind of floating through this week in a strange awareness of what took place on each date last year, but somehow it isn't getting me very down. It feels kind of weird. Missing Dad terribly isn't translating as much to pain and sorrow. It is just a missing...

I anticipated Father's Day, expecting a day filled with pain and sadness. Instead, I had a quiet day mostly to myself that was filled with thankfulness and peace for who Dad was to me, the life he lived, what he meant in my life.

Tomorrow is the anniversary of his death, and who knows what that will bring. I might wake up feeling really sad. I might wake up with this same feeling of peace I've had all week.

I do feel a little strange. I am kind of out of it, not thinking too clearly, a little fuzzy in my head. I'm clearly not quite myself ... but at the same time, I'm not feeling incredibly down or overwhelmed by sadness.

Does it feel like it's been a year? Yes. It feels like it's been several years. Is it because of everything that happened in my own body so soon after Dad's death - that I feel this weird sense of so much time passing?

Who knows. All I know is that I am thankful to not have the gut-wrenching, almost unbearable days of sadness I had surrounding the first anniversary of my mom's death. I am so thankful to be able to spend more time and emotional energy on the good stuff - appreciating who Dad was, how loved I was, and how much I loved Dad.

I miss him. I miss his voice, his touch, his support. I miss so much about him.

And I'm thankful for him. So thankful...