About Me

Sunday, December 25, 2011

My truth

Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign. Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and shall call his name Immanuel - which means "God with us". Isaiah 7:14

For to us a child is born, to us a son is given; ... and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Isaiah 9:6

And Jesus grew in wisdom and in stature, and in favor with God and man. Luke 2:52

Though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. Instead, he gave up his divine privileges; he took the humble position of a servant and was born as a human being. When he appeared in human form, he humbled himself in obedience to God and died a criminal’s death on a cross. Philippians 2:6-8

God made you alive with Christ and forgave all the things you had done wrong. He canceled the record of the charges against us with its legal demands and took it away by nailing it to the cross. Colossians 2:13-14

...and if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is by believing in your heart that you are made right with God, and it is by confessing with your mouth that you are saved. For the Scripture says, “Everyone who believes in him will not be put to shame.” Romans 10:9-11

...and the peace of God which transcends all understanding will protect your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7

Don’t be dejected and sad, for the joy of the Lord is your strength! Nehemiah 8:10

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This is the truth by which I choose to live my life - from birth to death, before and beyond, I am in the cup of God's hand. The God of the universe, the master of time, the one who spins the stars in the sky, sees the storehouses of snow, orchestrates the dance of waves - this God, he watches over me day and night.

And that is why I celebrate today.

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Humbled

I am deeply and profoundly humbled that a paid fundraiser, a telemarketer with kindness and gentleness in his voice, would be the one to remind me, to prompt my heart to have peace and joy today.

I thank God for him.

Two for you

The sun is slowly rising, coloring the sky and the neighborhood. The street lights are still on, giving everything a golden glow mixed with the cold light of a new day, and I sit in bed, a kitty sleeping at my feet, getting ready for the whirlwind of the next two days.

In these quiet morning moments before Tim stirs, I'll write a little about 2 books I recently read. Some of you may recall that I took a stab at a book blog, but never really followed-up. Instead of continuing to pursue that, I'll just write about them here. :)

Sidebar: The last 2 books I read I picked-up off the shelf simply because the titles grabbed me. No other reason, and yet I found myself engrossed in books filled with literary references, populated, in fact, by characters engaged in literary pursuits. How about that? It seemed an odd coincidence, considering my background in literature, but it was a delightful surprise and wonderful bonus to well-written books.

The Solace of Leaving Early (Haven Kimmel) is a novel about grief and healing, written with such tenderness that it is not a burden on the heart of the reader. Two little girls are, in one night, in one horrible event, bereft of their parents. They step into the lives of adults who carry their own heavy burdens - a young woman with a broken heart who has walked away from her dreams and left her plans behind her; a pastor who is in a crisis of faith, wondering how he can go on serving the flock; a mother and father doing the very best they can in this difficult world. Despite the troubles of each of these characters, the author draws us in and fleshes them out, making their struggles real and worthwhile, walking us through their days of sorrow and struggle, leading us to a place of renewed joy and hope. Quite a lovely and extraordinary book.

And then there's Special Topics in Calamity Physics (Marisha Pessl). Now wait just a minute ... what was this book doing on the fiction shelves? When I saw the title I just had to pick it up (perhaps influenced by my scientist husband!). This first-time
novel was amazing! The tale centers around a young woman,
Blue van Meer, raised primarily by her widowed father, a dashing scholar at obscure colleges. They move frequently, from town to town, and Blue is forced to find her place in each new environment. Her senior year of high school is a unique one - filled with unusual characters, challenges, mystery, difficult choices, and an exploration of who she is that leads her deeper into herself and frees her from her past. Pessl writes with a unique flair, using literary references cleverly and effectively. I loved this book! It is quite a long tale, but well worth the journey. Funny, fascinating, fully entertaining.

A tiny Merry Christmas gift to all of you who like to read. :-)

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Unexpected

The falling snow has stacked up to about 6 inches, and it is still coming down, although certainly thinning. I have the last of my shopping to do, not including the IOUs I will be giving out this year. :) I'm just not going to be able to get it all done. The kids will have their gifts, of course! :-)

After shoveling, Tim brought in yesterday's mail, damp from the snow that fell all night. In it was a lovely hand-written letter from a very old friend - from Indonesia days - and inside her letter was one my mom sent her 27 years ago. I put Mom's letter down on my desk for just a minute before reading it, just to get my heart ready.

As I read through the letter, I could hear Mom's voice, see her going about her business, all that she described. I could feel the understanding and support, the envelope of love and care in which I grew up. Often, as she was sitting in bed reading or writing letters, I would lie down next to her and we would talk, and she would rub my back or play with my hair. Always tender, always gentle, except when she would hug us hello or goodbye as we traveled back and forth from boarding school. Then her hugs were fierce and strong, and I knew she hated to let me go.

An unexpected gift so close to Christmas - to hear my mother's voice, to receive this letter. I don't know quite what to think, except that my heart must be healing as there were very few tears. And that's just as it should be.

Monday, December 19, 2011

Almost here

The snow falls, the oven hums, good smells fill the house as I bake a Honey Cake with rose water and walnuts, and Tim smokes a big chunk of pork. The tree sparkles in the living room (presents gathering underneath it), and Egg is snuggled under the covers on the bed. Next door I see our neighbors wrapping presents, and it seems each day packages land on the porch.

Christmas is fast approaching, and my days are full! A Christmas party 4 nights out of 5 - too much! But it is time filled with laughter and love, so how can I say "no"?

So I shop and bake and rest and wrap and sing and bundle and rest some more.

This morning the quiet of the house is all around me as I do my work, and my heart feels a little more settled today. I am thankful.

Husband

The singer's voice rang out clear as a bell, and he strummed the guitar with joy. He sang of the Colorado Rockies, of seeing "it rainin' fire in the sky" and that "the shadow from the starlight is softer than a lullabye".

And he sang of a man who "climbed cathedral mountains, he saw silver clouds below, he saw everything as far as you can see".

And I thought of my husband. My Colorado native who loves these mountains more than anyone I know. Who draws from them joy, encouragement, strength, peace, faith. Who goes into them like he's going into a cathedral - full of wonder, and amazement, and looking for that which is bigger than himself. Who is convinced that the Rock of his salvation is not a boulder, not a towering cliff, not even a mountain 14,000 feet high - but even more unfathomable, even more unmovable, even more solid and unchanging.

I thought of the years we lived so far away, and how he longed for the Colorado blue sky, the clear stars at night, the days of quiet snowfall. How he longed for the smell of pine needles underfoot, and campfires on cold summer nights high in the mountains.

And I held his hand and felt the callouses on his fingers. I saw the glistening in his eyes as he listened to the song. I felt the tenderness in his heart as he heard the man singing, and he felt the song was just for him.

My love.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Filling my heart

Ave Maria, The Peace Carol, Please Come Home for Christmas, The Prayer...

Lime-glazed cornmeal cookies, gingersnaps, peanut butter with toffee and pretzel cookies, chocolate fudge, peanut butter fudge...

At least 3 snowmen of varying size, 4 tiny trees, a silver sleigh filled with ribbons, pretty boxes everywhere, sparkling lights, 2 santas, and the most beautiful olive wood nativity...

Drives through the neighborhood looking at lights, shopping on-line before dawn for people far away, spending time with family and friends, sitting in my kitchen singing along, snuggling with Egg...

Answered prayers, laughter, changes in my heart, prayer, healing from sorrow, gratefulness for the Christ-child who grew to be a man who gave himself for me...

Monday, December 12, 2011

Waking

Christmas approaches, and with it a tidal wave of busy-ness. I keep thinking, "Just get through the next 2 weeks." Part of me thinks this isn't how I want to be spending my holidays ... but the truth is - so much of what I'm doing I want to do.

So a mental shift is in order. Since I want to be doing almost all of these activities, I should look forward to each one individually. I should stop looking at my calendar and feeling overwhelmed by seeing everything I've got going on, all spread out over the next 2 weeks, stacked one upon another. I should just take one at a time and enjoy them each for what they are.

There, that already feels a little better!

Early this morning I dreamed that my sisters, their children, Dad and I were all at someone's house. As Dad and I got in the car to drive home, he laughed one of his large laughs, and in the dream, that laugh made me miss Mom so much that I burst into tears. And then I woke myself up crying.

Oh, the seeming impossibility of Christmas without a parent. Yesterday, walking through the grocery store with a friend, I said, "I hate Christmas." Is that really true? No - I don't think it is. I know it's not true. I think what I mean is I hate this feeling of deep-down inside hurting, and the hurt being stirred like sediment in a river - stirred with every pretty house of Christmas lights, every carol, every happy family, every memory that lies under the surface and rises painfully in my sleep.

But I know from losing Mom that each year will be a little easier. I'm also increasingly certain that I'll miss them so much for the rest of my life. But the missing will turn into the dull ache, the melancholy memories - it won't be this stabbing, this burning.

So today I'll bake some cookies, spend time with my friend, do a few dishes. Today I'll think about Christmas presents, maybe decorate just a little, and miss Dad.