Where have I been?
On vacation. Following the USA Pro Cycling Challenge bike race across Colorado. Enjoying the mountains, the quiet, the escape from the daily grind. Swimming, walking, riding bikes, watching movies, sleeping in, eating fun food, cooking lovely meals for me and Tim.
Enjoying all that vacation means.
Our lives feel pretty stressful right now. I could list all the reasons, but I don't want to bother. Needless to say, this was a much-needed break from life. We needed the time away from home. We needed the time together. We needed the restful, quiet days filled with nothing.
It has been lovely. The bike race was incredibly fun to watch (there might be more to come about that). The meals we enjoyed were super tasty. The condo was so comfortable. The weather was perfect.
We head home tomorrow and I'm kind of down about it. I need to remind myself of all the good things that await me there. I need to focus on how much I have that gives me joy. So tonight we'll watch one more movie, have a great night's sleep, and have a beautiful drive home tomorrow.
Deep breath. Dive back in.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Up and down
I feel really sad today. Deep down sad. But I can't seem to figure out why...
Is my body remembering my surgery a year ago today - and the stress that surrounded it?
Is it the tough decisions I need to make about this one friendship?
Is it the anticipated time with my nephews I won't get this week?
Sure wish I could pinpoint where this feeling is coming from so I can get rid of it. I guess I'll just have my breakfast, get on with my crazy, busy day, and see if I can work it out of my system.
Today is Tim's birthday, and we're having a very small celebration with his parents this evening. Tim isn't excited about his birthday. He feels no need to celebrate getting older. He is, indeed, feeling his age, and isn't enjoying that process much at all. Maybe that's getting me down a little.
I said to him last night, "Well, let's celebrate a year of good health for me."
His face lit up with a smile, he gave me a big hug and said that was something really worth celebrating.
"You know," he said, "I told you last year that you never had to give me another present, and I meant it. Getting you safe and sound last year on my birthday was the only present I'll ever need."
I may be feeling sad this morning, but I'm also feeling incredibly grateful for my good recovery, for no more pain, for my health this year.
I'm thankful that with each passing month, my heart is a tiny bit more healed from losing Dad.
I'm thankful for my husband and all we share.
And I'm thankful for today, his birthday. As I told him last night, "Your birthday isn't about celebrating you being a year older. It's about celebrating you being born - and being here with me."
Happy birthday, my love.
Is my body remembering my surgery a year ago today - and the stress that surrounded it?
Is it the tough decisions I need to make about this one friendship?
Is it the anticipated time with my nephews I won't get this week?
Sure wish I could pinpoint where this feeling is coming from so I can get rid of it. I guess I'll just have my breakfast, get on with my crazy, busy day, and see if I can work it out of my system.
Today is Tim's birthday, and we're having a very small celebration with his parents this evening. Tim isn't excited about his birthday. He feels no need to celebrate getting older. He is, indeed, feeling his age, and isn't enjoying that process much at all. Maybe that's getting me down a little.
I said to him last night, "Well, let's celebrate a year of good health for me."
His face lit up with a smile, he gave me a big hug and said that was something really worth celebrating.
"You know," he said, "I told you last year that you never had to give me another present, and I meant it. Getting you safe and sound last year on my birthday was the only present I'll ever need."
I may be feeling sad this morning, but I'm also feeling incredibly grateful for my good recovery, for no more pain, for my health this year.
I'm thankful that with each passing month, my heart is a tiny bit more healed from losing Dad.
I'm thankful for my husband and all we share.
And I'm thankful for today, his birthday. As I told him last night, "Your birthday isn't about celebrating you being a year older. It's about celebrating you being born - and being here with me."
Happy birthday, my love.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Disaster
So I have long hair. And it is indeed getting quite long. It is cheap to maintain, my hubby loves it, and it is easy to deal with.
For a long time I had short, blunt bangs. This summer I experimented with letting them grow out some. Yuck. I had to put product in them. They hung in my face. As they got longer I had these weird wings starting on the sides.
I decided to go back to my short bangs.
Went to a discount hair salon this afternoon after doing some grocery shopping.
The lovely young lady asked what I wanted. I told her and showed her a picture I liked. She seemed to understand perfectly. "Do you want them a little thicker?" she asked. "I think blunt bangs like that look better when they are a little thicker."
Well, sure! Let's try that!
Oh dear. I have returned home to short, blunt bangs and what looks like a funny hat on my forehead. The additional bangs this lovely young person added are not falling nicely like my old short bangs. They are kind of puffy and look weird.
Very weird!
Tears? Maybe.
But what do I do now? Grow out just the "thickening"? Keep them as they are? Get all my hair cut so these bangs don't look quite so weird? And get it done by Sunday so I don't show up at church looking like some crazy 4 year old who cut her own hair?
Well, at least hair grows.
That's about the best thing I can say about this.
Meanwhile, I see a ball cap or scarf in my very near future.
For a long time I had short, blunt bangs. This summer I experimented with letting them grow out some. Yuck. I had to put product in them. They hung in my face. As they got longer I had these weird wings starting on the sides.
I decided to go back to my short bangs.
Went to a discount hair salon this afternoon after doing some grocery shopping.
The lovely young lady asked what I wanted. I told her and showed her a picture I liked. She seemed to understand perfectly. "Do you want them a little thicker?" she asked. "I think blunt bangs like that look better when they are a little thicker."
Well, sure! Let's try that!
Oh dear. I have returned home to short, blunt bangs and what looks like a funny hat on my forehead. The additional bangs this lovely young person added are not falling nicely like my old short bangs. They are kind of puffy and look weird.
Very weird!
Tears? Maybe.
But what do I do now? Grow out just the "thickening"? Keep them as they are? Get all my hair cut so these bangs don't look quite so weird? And get it done by Sunday so I don't show up at church looking like some crazy 4 year old who cut her own hair?
Well, at least hair grows.
That's about the best thing I can say about this.
Meanwhile, I see a ball cap or scarf in my very near future.
Friday, August 5, 2011
Cliche
There was the thinnest, most delicate frosting of snow Pike's Peak yesterday morning. Summer, it appears, is losing its grip on us, and those dog days of heat are almost certainly nearing their end. We'll have a few more days in the 90s, but not many. The nights are already back in the 50s, and the heat of the day lasts but for a few hours.
All this reminds me of the passage of time, of the days and months of our lives. I am particularly thankful for this summer to be almost over - it means I've done all my firsts without Dad. First birthday, first Christmas, first Father's Day, first anniversary. And I'm quickly passing by all the dates that marked my own illness last year - CT scans, appointments filled with discouraging news, surgery, healing.
And mostly I'm thankful. Thankful that time does pass. That each sunrise and sunset bring a little more healing, a little more closure. That today's problems don't always have to be solved today - sometimes, when evening falls, we can just set aside all those problems, relax for the night, and face them again in the broad light of a new day.
I am thankful for time. I am thankful for my sunny yard filling with flowers. I'm thankful for each little beet growing in my garden. I am thankful for quiet evenings with Tim.
Life goes on. A cliche, but blessedly true.
All this reminds me of the passage of time, of the days and months of our lives. I am particularly thankful for this summer to be almost over - it means I've done all my firsts without Dad. First birthday, first Christmas, first Father's Day, first anniversary. And I'm quickly passing by all the dates that marked my own illness last year - CT scans, appointments filled with discouraging news, surgery, healing.
And mostly I'm thankful. Thankful that time does pass. That each sunrise and sunset bring a little more healing, a little more closure. That today's problems don't always have to be solved today - sometimes, when evening falls, we can just set aside all those problems, relax for the night, and face them again in the broad light of a new day.
I am thankful for time. I am thankful for my sunny yard filling with flowers. I'm thankful for each little beet growing in my garden. I am thankful for quiet evenings with Tim.
Life goes on. A cliche, but blessedly true.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Late, but better than never
I must say I am a little excited.
In my quest to continue learning about boundaries, the limitations of my own body and mind, and balance in my life (which has translated this summer to once again paring down my schedule), I have a little more time at home - which feels incredibly good. I'm hoping this extra time in my own nest will facilitate some creative work this fall, namely - sewing. I'd LOVE to whip up a couple pretty fall skirts and insulated curtains for our bedroom. Yay! :-)
So there's progress in one area.
But the thing I'm really excited about today is this ...
... I have the tiniest sprouts of beets, carrots, and yellow summer squash!
"Oh, my," you might think, "isn't it a little late to be starting a vegie garden?"
Well, let me just tell you about that.
In my realization that I can't do everything I want (gasp! am I my father's daughter or what?!), this spring I decided to just let go of my hopes of having a lovely vegetable garden this summer. So sad! I didn't get to do much of that last summer, and so letting go of it for this summer was pretty hard. I decided, however, that my time was just too filled already.
So passed May, June, and most of July. And then I read a magazine article that sparked some thinking about a late summer planted - early fall harvested veg garden. What could I plant this late in our short growing season? What would still bear lovely fruit? I did some research, looked at maturity dates, and - lo and behold - there's actually quite a bit I can still expect to harvest.
So here's what I did. Last week I prepped my raised vegetable garden (and for me that means weeding. I'm a pretty lazy gardener...), bought the seeds I wanted, and staked out my plan.
As of yesterday, I have the teeniest, weeniest little beet greens showing, and today's examination revealed that my two summer squashes are going to pop out of the ground either today or tomorrow (I can just see them pushing past the dirt), and my carrots are beginning to sprout! I'm so excited!
To be honest, the carrots are a dubious late summer crop. I may only get the smallest, baby carrots, but that will be just fine with me. The summer squash may not have much time to produce, either, but it sure will be fun trying.
As to the sugar snap peas, kohlrabi, beets, radishes, lettuce, and mache (another salad green), I expect to have lovely, full crops of these through mid-Oct or at least through the first really hard frost.
And to top it all off, the rhubarb I transplanted from my dad's garden (notoriously hard to transplant I've heard - from an agronomist/gardener friend of mine) appears to not only be surviving, but putting out new leaves. Wonder of wonders, and joy to my heart!
Small pleasures, no?
Of course, I still don't think I can do everything I'd like ... but I'm just a little bit closer. :-)
In my quest to continue learning about boundaries, the limitations of my own body and mind, and balance in my life (which has translated this summer to once again paring down my schedule), I have a little more time at home - which feels incredibly good. I'm hoping this extra time in my own nest will facilitate some creative work this fall, namely - sewing. I'd LOVE to whip up a couple pretty fall skirts and insulated curtains for our bedroom. Yay! :-)
So there's progress in one area.
But the thing I'm really excited about today is this ...
... I have the tiniest sprouts of beets, carrots, and yellow summer squash!
"Oh, my," you might think, "isn't it a little late to be starting a vegie garden?"
Well, let me just tell you about that.
In my realization that I can't do everything I want (gasp! am I my father's daughter or what?!), this spring I decided to just let go of my hopes of having a lovely vegetable garden this summer. So sad! I didn't get to do much of that last summer, and so letting go of it for this summer was pretty hard. I decided, however, that my time was just too filled already.
So passed May, June, and most of July. And then I read a magazine article that sparked some thinking about a late summer planted - early fall harvested veg garden. What could I plant this late in our short growing season? What would still bear lovely fruit? I did some research, looked at maturity dates, and - lo and behold - there's actually quite a bit I can still expect to harvest.
So here's what I did. Last week I prepped my raised vegetable garden (and for me that means weeding. I'm a pretty lazy gardener...), bought the seeds I wanted, and staked out my plan.
As of yesterday, I have the teeniest, weeniest little beet greens showing, and today's examination revealed that my two summer squashes are going to pop out of the ground either today or tomorrow (I can just see them pushing past the dirt), and my carrots are beginning to sprout! I'm so excited!
To be honest, the carrots are a dubious late summer crop. I may only get the smallest, baby carrots, but that will be just fine with me. The summer squash may not have much time to produce, either, but it sure will be fun trying.
As to the sugar snap peas, kohlrabi, beets, radishes, lettuce, and mache (another salad green), I expect to have lovely, full crops of these through mid-Oct or at least through the first really hard frost.
And to top it all off, the rhubarb I transplanted from my dad's garden (notoriously hard to transplant I've heard - from an agronomist/gardener friend of mine) appears to not only be surviving, but putting out new leaves. Wonder of wonders, and joy to my heart!
Small pleasures, no?
Of course, I still don't think I can do everything I'd like ... but I'm just a little bit closer. :-)
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