Follow your bliss

I love the sparkle and joy of my Christmas decorations.

During the Christmas season I take down my usual decorations, box them up and fill the house with my Christmas stuff. I love it! There's something wonderful about all these little touches - the bows, the ribbon and glittering glass, the icons of the season.

Today, the last day of the year, the sun is shining brightly, and the still snow-covered ground is reflecting it in sparkles and glitter.

The last day of the year. Another one lived in safety and relative health. Another year passed in joy and struggle, peace and pain.

What will the new year hold? How will I choose to fill my time? (My constant question and struggle.) What of value will I invest myself in? What joys and accomplishments will follow me through the next twelve months?

It is so remarkable to me the choices with which we are presented in our modern lives. Instead of having to dedicate my time to washing clothes and hanging them on the line, scalding and plucking the chicken, I have hours and hours of leisure time a week.

Not only that, but I'm presented with the choice of how I will view my life, what attitude I will take. I can either look at this coming year with trepidation and worry: so many years have passed without me accomplishing this or that goal. I hope this isn't another year like that.

or

optimism and realism: a new year, a clean slate! Knowing myself as I do, how can I set myself up to succeed?

I think this year I'll take the second view.

But above all, this year I think I'll try to keep it simple, focus on small goals, take one step at a time.

Just my thoughts on a sunny morning...

Nearing the end

I breath a sigh of relief. I pick up the last bits of wrapping paper and ribbon, the stray box here and there, and make my living room presentable again. After several days of busyness and running here and there, I'm ready to just sit and read for a few days. They've been lovely days - just busy ones. We have one more family celebration with my dad and his wife who were gone over Christmas. This one will be low key and simple - waffles and presents.

And then I'll try to figure out my schedule for the new year. I've been asked to take on a 10-hour/week commitment as a favor to a friend who is in need of a receptionist/secretary. Not sure I can do that without dropping something else, but I'm going to give it some thought. Maybe just for a month or two? Maybe I'll pass the opportunity on to someone else? We could use the $$, so I'll have to think carefully.

Not much else going on. The Christmas candy and cookies are disappearing from the table, only to reappear on my thighs and belly, but isn't that the way with December? I'll try to right that soon enough. I hope. I'll start the new year with the same goal as millions of others: this is the year I'll try to do better with exercise and diet. Good luck to all of us!

A quiet day in front of me - knitting, wrapping a few more things for Dad, etc., a friend dropping by for a visit. Ah, quiet rest.

Christmas Morning

Joy comes like the morning, washing over me in quietness and wonder. Yesterday was another in a long history of God watching over me, taking care of me. As I turned my eyes to Him, he picked me up and carried me through, giving me joy and enabling me to relax. I'm so thankful!

As usual, I'm up earlier than Tim, and I sneak his stocking goodies into their waiting, sequined sock, hoping to not wake him. I'll get my honey cake into the oven before waking him, and then we'll have our traditional Christmas morning of laughing and silliness.

He went to his parents' midnight service last night after I was sound asleep, and sometime between me going to bed and waking up this morning, he not only picked up all the Christmas wrapping mess we'd left on the floor, but arranged the living room furniture so it all faces the Christmas tree, setting up a cozy staging area for our Christmas morning joy. So sweet of him! So like him to surprise me with something like that.

I'll go wake him now. He needs to get our lovely roast in the oven in time for our dinner.

I leave you with a Christmas wish. May today be a blessed one for you all. May you see Christ in all you do. May the wonder of His coming fill your lives not just today, but all year round.

Merry Christmas!

Christmas Eve

I started out this holiday season full of energy. Maybe too much energy, because I said yes to too many things. We've discussed this already.

And then there were some complications to the season that have taken all the wind out of my sails. I awoke this morning not feeling any of the joy or wonder of the next two days.

And as if in conspiracy to compound these low and dark emotions, my usually easy and (may I say it?) delicious pie crust failed - twice! What happened today? Does my crust only work when it's made in a spirit of love and joy?

I know this is all about feelings. And feelings don't necessarily reflect truth, reflect reality.

I feel alone, because this "complication" is something I have to handle on my own.

I know the prayers of my wonderful friends are being lifted up on my behalf.

I feel like today will be a challenge - spending the day with people, people who expect me to be cheery and joyful when all I feel like doing is crawling back into bed with my book and kitty.

I know God is big enough to give me joy today.

But I'm not finding the joy. I did some good journaling, but it seemed only to help me identify what I needed to do, not how to do it. I feel helpless and caught in a tangle of feelings. What's brought me here? Have the cheering and boosting benefits of my vitamin D reached their limit here, in the shortest days of the year (meaning: is this sadness chemical)? Am I just worn out? Or have I not stopped enough to listen and pray?

Ding, ding!!

I went to aholyexperience.com and read one of her posts. It summed up my feelings, but also reminded me where I can find my joy. Go read this post. It is beautiful.

She says:

Lord God...I simply Come to the Light.

That's all I need this Christmas.

In the dark, to rest in the healing warmth of You.

I don't need to try to be happy, joyful, peaceful, or any of those things we want to be, especially this time of year. All I need to do is take my eyes off me, and put them back on Christ. Like Peter walking on the water, when he took his eyes of Christ, he started to sink. This is what I'll put in the forefront of my mind today: look to Christ. His light shines in my darkness.

And it is not for myself or others that I make pie, wrap presents, spend the day with family. It is for him - my gift to give back to him. That I can do, and with joy.

http://www.aholyexperience.com/2009/12/when-darkness-encroaches-too-close.html

Deep breath

What?! It's already Dec. 21! Last week flew by in a whirlwind. Had a good time, but boy howdy am I tired - 3 parties, all of which were great fun; sick cat to the vet; made 17 batches of cookie dough and 10 pie crusts for the youth fundraiser; did a monster Christmas shopping day with my hubby; worked on processing some VERY tough emotions that I won't go into detail about here, and that's just the stuff worth mentioning! This week won't be much more restful. Here's my to-do list in case you wonder why I'm not writing (tee, hee!)...

• have a friend over for chatting this a.m. (a great thing, and relaxing!)
• clean up my house which looks like a tornado hit it over the weekend as I furiously cooked for 3 different events (this won't take all that long - it's just the kitchen, really)!
• do laundry (almost out of underwear)
• finish Christmas shopping
• wrap everything (with Tim's help)
• spend time with my brother and sister
• make a few treats for me and my family (optional, but delicious!)
• grocery shop and cook for Christmas dinner
• work at our church's interactive nativity
• follow-through on 2 phone conversations I need to have (1 wonderful, 1 yucky)
• talk to the vet about my kitty's diet

Now I'm tired just from writing this list, so I'll stop. You get the idea.

I know we all have tons to do this time of year. Why don't we all say "no" to a few more things next year and we'll have a more relaxing Christmas? I'm going to make some notes in next year's calendar, things like in November: "think about saying 'no' this time" and December might say: "relax and do less!" I'll let you know if it works. :-)

Not to say I haven't enjoyed what I'm doing. It is just too much.

Meanwhile, I'll just keep going and crash next week with a big silly grin on my face! ;-) Next week will consist of frozen dinners, leftovers, movies and knitting. Yum!

Charlie Brown

We went Christmas tree shopping today. Short, fat, tall, skinny, dense, sparse, light green, dark green, soft needles, pokey needles! The choices are almost as overwhelming as those at Starbucks! And I have this voice inside that puts enormous pressure to pick the perfect tree - the tree that will give me the most joy, the most glee each time I look at it. Which tree is that?

So we wander around. Hold this one up. Try this one. Is this one better? Too tall? Too fat? Too expensive? Then, finally, I can't look any longer and we pick one. Of course, it always turns out great. How could I fail to love any Christmas tree that Tim and I choose together, decorate together, enjoy together?

Today's sermon was about judging our fellow men, unconditional love, ways we can choose to reflect God's character in our own. I am reminded that God loves me no matter what kind of tree I am. He loves me as I grow and change year to year. He loves me when I am droopy and worn out. He loves me when I am on fire and ready to go to work.

And that's what this time of year is all about for me - a celebration of just how much God loves me and the gifts that He's given me. An amazing time of year!

How wonderful to not live with the scrutiny and judgment that I myself throw out into the world. How lovely to come home to any Christmas tree, sparkling with lights, ornaments I've had for years and years, and a house filled with love.

Wonderful!

Cookies

My house is filled with hyper, screaming, wonderful teenagers. They are sarcastic, teasing one another, alternately helpful and totally self-absorbed. I love the sound of their voices, their activity, their camaraderie, their rivalries.

And for just a moment I wonder if this is what it might feel like to be a mother.

Today I watched Tim playing with my 2 1/2 year old nephew with such bitter-sweetness in my heart. I love to see him enjoying Zachary, and to hear Zachary asking for him. But my heart longs to have a child of our own and see him in Tim's arms.

Ah, the ups and down, the dichotomy of this life we live. It is ever present, all around us. The joy and sorrow, and everything in between.

Tonight, the kids are crowded on my couch, watching a movie, a fire crackling away. Deep contentment. Deep longing. That's what I feel.

First of the holiday blues (and this year, they're mild as well as late!)

I'm listening to Christmas music and decorating my house, hoping to get it finished and surprise Tim when he walks in the door. One by one the familiar decorations emerge from their wrappings, and I smile remembering when. The music plays, my heart feels full and free, and then, suddenly, I'm full of all that missing my mom means. Missing her encouraging voice, telling me what a good job I've done at this or that. Missing her warm welcome home. Missing her love, and all that meant in my life.

I'm thankful for the years I had her, but I sure do miss her, especially around the holidays. A cliche, but true anyway.

And following close on the footsteps of this heavy sadness is a renewed joy in the relationships I have now, the friends who stand close by my side, listen to my woes and joys, walk beside me caring so much for me.

"Joy" says the latch hook wall hanging Mom made for me, that I put up every year. Joy. She worked to be joyful, no matter what was happening in her life, and I've tried to do the same. This year I do feel joyful, even with the nagging yucky things from which life never seems to take a vacation. And I'm thankful for the lessons of joy that Mom taught, how to choose joy even in our darkest days. I don't know that I'm as good at it as she was, but she was a rather extraordinary person.

joy

love

peace

warmth

beauty

family

All those things that are associated with Christmas. All those things that fill my life.

I am deeply thankful.

More yumminess

I cooked a delicious meal last night that would be perfect for a school/work night - it was simple, most hands-off, and delicious. Don't be deceived by the long list of ingredients. It really is easy. Plan ahead, though - it takes about 2 1/2 hours in the oven. Serve it with simple couscous or rice and some vegies or a salad and you're all set!

The original recipe, on which I based what I made, is from my cookbook simply titled Jewish, and it is from a series of cookbooks I buy at Borders. I love the whole series! I've got 6 or 7 of them. They usually are under $10.00, and boy are the worth it. The publisher is Hermes House, they are about 12x9 in size, with colorful pictures, and very simple titles like Thai, Russian, French, etc. The recipes are usually easy and delicious.

The recipe in the cookbook is for lamb, and I used pork - it's what I had. :-) I'll definitely be trying it with the lamb, though, as it seems like that would be wonderful!

Pork with Honey and Prunes

1/2 to 3/4 c pitted prunes, very roughly chopped

enough hot, black tea to cover the prunes

2 1/4 lb meat (I used pork loin), cut into chunky portions

1 onion, chopped

2 Tbsp dried parsley

1/2 tsp ground ginger

1/2 tsp curry powder

1/4 tsp grated nutmeg

2 tsp ground cinnamon

1/4 tsp saffron threads

6 Tbsp honey, or to taste

1/2 c hot beef stock

1 c toasted almonds

salt and pepper

• Preheat the oven to 350' F. Put the prunes in a bowl, pour the tea over them, cover and let soak.
• Put the pork, chopped onion, parsley, ginger, curry powder, nutmeg, cinnamon, a large pinch each of salt and pepper in a roasting pan. Toss to coat all, cover and cook in the oven for about 1 1/2 hours, or until the pork is tender.
• Just before the 1 1/2 hours is up, drain the prunes, reserving the liquid, heat the beef stock, and put the saffron threads into the stock. Let the saffron steep for just a few minutes, then add the prune tea, saffron/beef stock, and honey to the pork. Cook it, uncovered, for another 30 minutes, turning the lamb once or twice.
• Add the prunes to the pan and stir gently to mix. Serve sprinkled with the almonds.

Yummy!

Early mornin'

Well, I woke up to snow falling again, a cold, gray morning, and Tim leaving for a week on a business trip. As I write this, I'm listening to Peter, Paul & Mary, comfort music! I have mixed feelings about both the snow and Tim's trip. Usually I love snow, but my car is quite bad on it, and Tim left his car at the airport. As far as his being gone is concerned, I anticipate a week of very quiet, productive days of sewing and some other fun stuff, but I will miss my best friend and companion. He is such a joy in my life (despite my frequent complaining about his slob-ness), and I'll miss his rumbling around the house, and our silliness and teasing.

Think this silly face can help distract me? Big smile on my face right now! :-)

I've got plans to distract myself with projects and time with friends, but mostly I'll enjoy the quiet of the house and the days with no obligations - no meals I have to cook (I can eat a salad for lunch and cereal for dinner - 2 things that would not satisfy my construction working husband whose body requires copious amounts of food, including meat!), no movies I'm not particularly interested in, no running errands for him, and much less laundry. I really think it will be lovely.

But I do already miss him.

Dilemma

How much would you pay for gourmet cookie dough for a youth group fundraiser?

This is my dilemma...

Our youth want to go to a big conference this coming summer, and we're selling cookie dough as a fundraiser. Seems apropos this time of year, right? Problem is, I just did the math. Of course, we can't compete with the grocery store's prices, but how much above that price should we go?

Granted, at the grocery store, you can buy sugar cookies, peanut butter, chocolate chip, and maybe one other flavor. We're going to have things like cardamon cherry, spiced shortbread, and pecan shortbread. Can we charge a premium for gourmet flavors?

Seriously, I'm interested in your opinions. If you can buy a 24 oz. log of prosaic cookie dough at the grocery store for $2.00 on sale, how much would you pay for an equivalent log of gourmet cookie dough if you knew it was for a fundraiser?

Survey says....

Woohoo! The temperature is up to 3' already and it's only 9:05 in the morning!

I look out my windows and the world is covered in sparkling white, like a postcard from Vermont. The sun is shining and everything is bright and beautiful! It snowed two nights in a row, and the cold temperatures are helping it hang around longer than usual. Wish I could convey the beauty of this day, but my words aren't adequate and I just don't know if a picture would capture it. Sure looks like bona fide winter out there, and I'm loving it!

Today is house cleaning day, and some laundry. I've got lots of free time next week, and I'm going to exercise my "no" muscle and try to stay home. I've got fabric to sew a new skirt, and I'd like to sew curtains for my bedroom. I might be able to get both done in a week, since I've got very little else going on, but I have this inability to work on fun projects when my house is a mess.

So, I've had my tea and banana bread (quite yummy, if I say so myself; whole wheat with lots of pecans), I'm all warmed up, and ready to put my shoulder to the grindstone.

Just had to share my little winter vignette.

For pet lovers without kids...

and pet lovers with kids...

and maybe even people with kids and/or pets... ;-)

It was uncharacteristically cloudy in Colorado yesterday morning, and the temperature had dropped significantly. We happen to live in a house that doesn't have the most modern of windows or insulation seeing as it was built in the 1920s, so when the temperature drops outside, that is reflected by the temperature inside. Sure, our heater tries to keep up, but it just doesn't quite touch the chill in the rooms off the center of the house.

So I was lying in bed, thinking how nice it would be to sleep in a little, but Egg wouldn't let me. He couldn't get comfortable, kept gently touching my face, kept getting in and out of bed. Obviously he was hungry and he wanted me to get up and feed him.

Fine! I got up, threw on some sweats, and fed him.

I was up, though, so I thought I might as well get on with my day.

I talked with Tim while he got dressed, and we joked about our not-weatherproof house. All the time, while we were in and out of the bedroom, Egg was following us. Each time we went back into the bedroom, he jumped up on the bed, lied down and looked lovingly at us. We couldn't resist rubbing his ample belly, so he was getting a good bit of loving. Meanwhile, I had a list of things I wanted to get done, and I started by sitting down at the computer to print out some credit card receipts I needed to reconcile for our business. (Don't worry - I'm not going to bore you with my list of chores!) ;-)

So then it was 9:15, Tim had headed out, I was heating water for my breakfast tea, toasting some delicious rolls leftover from Thanksgiving, and what did I hear? The most plaintive, sad meowing from the front hallway. I peeked around the corner, and there sat Egg, looking anxiously toward the kitchen.

I walked toward him, and he turned, dashed into the bedroom, and jumped right up on the bed, cooing and meowing happily as if to say, "Finally! I've been asking all morning for you to come back to bed. Are we going to snuggle now?"

Just had to tell that story. I love this little guy...and how much he loves me!

Perfect!

Christmas parties are starting early this year, and that's just fine with me! What do I love about parties - anytime? The sound of people talking all in one place. It sounds like a flock of chickens, and it makes my heart feel light and full! Jolly, even.

I went to a perfect party this weekend. Picture a smallish, slightly dark living room filled with tables and chairs, at least 20 adults, about 4 kids, two fat cats, a Christmas tree surrounded by probably 100 presents, each one wrapped beautifully, a large toy box for the kids, and enough food for 100 people. All delicious food, too, like duck, goose, roast beef, and roast pork. To top it all off - about 5 different desserts! All those presents were wrapped, and all this food was made by our host, lovingly, with only the goal of making us happy.

This annual party to me absolutely embodies what the Christmas season means to me... ...unconditional giving and demonstrations of love

...bringing together of people we love

...giving of gifts expecting nothing in return

...delicious food

...lots of people who love one another all crammed into a small space.

Sometimes the Christmas season gets me down, way down (long, boring story). This year I feel filled with joy and hope! Thanks, in large part, to these 2 early parties.

Thanks, in whole, to the love by which I feel surrounded!