About Me

Thursday, December 31, 2009

Follow your bliss

I love the sparkle and joy of my Christmas decorations.

During the Christmas season I take down my usual decorations, box them up and fill the house with my Christmas stuff. I love it! There's something wonderful about all these little touches - the bows, the ribbon and glittering glass, the icons of the season.

Today, the last day of the year, the sun is shining brightly, and the still snow-covered ground is reflecting it in sparkles and glitter.

The last day of the year. Another one lived in safety and relative health. Another year passed in joy and struggle, peace and pain.

What will the new year hold? How will I choose to fill my time? (My constant question and struggle.) What of value will I invest myself in? What joys and accomplishments will follow me through the next twelve months?

It is so remarkable to me the choices with which we are presented in our modern lives. Instead of having to dedicate my time to washing clothes and hanging them on the line, scalding and plucking the chicken, I have hours and hours of leisure time a week.

Not only that, but I'm presented with the choice of how I will view my life, what attitude I will take. I can either look at this coming year with trepidation and worry: so many years have passed without me accomplishing this or that goal. I hope this isn't another year like that.

or

optimism and realism: a new year, a clean slate! Knowing myself as I do, how can I set myself up to succeed?

I think this year I'll take the second view.

But above all, this year I think I'll try to keep it simple, focus on small goals, take one step at a time.

Just my thoughts on a sunny morning...

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Nearing the end

I breath a sigh of relief. I pick up the last bits of wrapping paper and ribbon, the stray box here and there, and make my living room presentable again. After several days of busyness and running here and there, I'm ready to just sit and read for a few days. They've been lovely days - just busy ones. We have one more family celebration with my dad and his wife who were gone over Christmas. This one will be low key and simple - waffles and presents.

And then I'll try to figure out my schedule for the new year. I've been asked to take on a 10-hour/week commitment as a favor to a friend who is in need of a receptionist/secretary. Not sure I can do that without dropping something else, but I'm going to give it some thought. Maybe just for a month or two? Maybe I'll pass the opportunity on to someone else? We could use the $$, so I'll have to think carefully.

Not much else going on. The Christmas candy and cookies are disappearing from the table, only to reappear on my thighs and belly, but isn't that the way with December? I'll try to right that soon enough. I hope. I'll start the new year with the same goal as millions of others: this is the year I'll try to do better with exercise and diet. Good luck to all of us!

A quiet day in front of me - knitting, wrapping a few more things for Dad, etc., a friend dropping by for a visit. Ah, quiet rest.

Friday, December 25, 2009

Christmas Morning

Joy comes like the morning, washing over me in quietness and wonder. Yesterday was another in a long history of God watching over me, taking care of me. As I turned my eyes to Him, he picked me up and carried me through, giving me joy and enabling me to relax. I'm so thankful!

As usual, I'm up earlier than Tim, and I sneak his stocking goodies into their waiting, sequined sock, hoping to not wake him. I'll get my honey cake into the oven before waking him, and then we'll have our traditional Christmas morning of laughing and silliness.

He went to his parents' midnight service last night after I was sound asleep, and sometime between me going to bed and waking up this morning, he not only picked up all the Christmas wrapping mess we'd left on the floor, but arranged the living room furniture so it all faces the Christmas tree, setting up a cozy staging area for our Christmas morning joy. So sweet of him! So like him to surprise me with something like that.

I'll go wake him now. He needs to get our lovely roast in the oven in time for our dinner.

I leave you with a Christmas wish. May today be a blessed one for you all. May you see Christ in all you do. May the wonder of His coming fill your lives not just today, but all year round.

Merry Christmas!

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Christmas Eve

I started out this holiday season full of energy. Maybe too much energy, because I said yes to too many things. We've discussed this already.

And then there were some complications to the season that have taken all the wind out of my sails. I awoke this morning not feeling any of the joy or wonder of the next two days.

And as if in conspiracy to compound these low and dark emotions, my usually easy and (may I say it?) delicious pie crust failed - twice! What happened today? Does my crust only work when it's made in a spirit of love and joy?

I know this is all about feelings. And feelings don't necessarily reflect truth, reflect reality.

I feel alone, because this "complication" is something I have to handle on my own.

I know the prayers of my wonderful friends are being lifted up on my behalf.

I feel like today will be a challenge - spending the day with people, people who expect me to be cheery and joyful when all I feel like doing is crawling back into bed with my book and kitty.

I know God is big enough to give me joy today.

But I'm not finding the joy. I did some good journaling, but it seemed only to help me identify what I needed to do, not how to do it. I feel helpless and caught in a tangle of feelings. What's brought me here? Have the cheering and boosting benefits of my vitamin D reached their limit here, in the shortest days of the year (meaning: is this sadness chemical)? Am I just worn out? Or have I not stopped enough to listen and pray?

Ding, ding!!

I went to aholyexperience.com and read one of her posts. It summed up my feelings, but also reminded me where I can find my joy. Go read this post. It is beautiful.

She says:

Lord God...I simply Come to the Light.
That's all I need this Christmas.
In the dark, to rest in the healing warmth of You.

I don't need to try to be happy, joyful, peaceful, or any of those things we want to be, especially this time of year. All I need to do is take my eyes off me, and put them back on Christ. Like Peter walking on the water, when he took his eyes of Christ, he started to sink. This is what I'll put in the forefront of my mind today: look to Christ. His light shines in my darkness.

And it is not for myself or others that I make pie, wrap presents, spend the day with family. It is for him - my gift to give back to him. That I can do, and with joy.

http://www.aholyexperience.com/2009/12/when-darkness-encroaches-too-close.html

Monday, December 21, 2009

Deep breath

What?! It's already Dec. 21! Last week flew by in a whirlwind. Had a good time, but boy howdy am I tired - 3 parties, all of which were great fun; sick cat to the vet; made 17 batches of cookie dough and 10 pie crusts for the youth fundraiser; did a monster Christmas shopping day with my hubby; worked on processing some VERY tough emotions that I won't go into detail about here, and that's just the stuff worth mentioning! This week won't be much more restful. Here's my to-do list in case you wonder why I'm not writing (tee, hee!)...
  • have a friend over for chatting this a.m. (a great thing, and relaxing!)
  • clean up my house which looks like a tornado hit it over the weekend as I furiously cooked for 3 different events (this won't take all that long - it's just the kitchen, really)!
  • do laundry (almost out of underwear)
  • finish Christmas shopping
  • wrap everything (with Tim's help)
  • spend time with my brother and sister
  • make a few treats for me and my family (optional, but delicious!)
  • grocery shop and cook for Christmas dinner
  • work at our church's interactive nativity
  • follow-through on 2 phone conversations I need to have (1 wonderful, 1 yucky)
  • talk to the vet about my kitty's diet
Now I'm tired just from writing this list, so I'll stop. You get the idea.

I know we all have tons to do this time of year. Why don't we all say "no" to a few more things next year and we'll have a more relaxing Christmas? I'm going to make some notes in next year's calendar, things like in November: "think about saying 'no' this time" and December might say: "relax and do less!" I'll let you know if it works. :-)

Not to say I haven't enjoyed what I'm doing. It is just too much.

Meanwhile, I'll just keep going and crash next week with a big silly grin on my face! ;-) Next week will consist of frozen dinners, leftovers, movies and knitting. Yum!

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Charlie Brown

We went Christmas tree shopping today. Short, fat, tall, skinny, dense, sparse, light green, dark green, soft needles, pokey needles! The choices are almost as overwhelming as those at Starbucks! And I have this voice inside that puts enormous pressure to pick the perfect tree - the tree that will give me the most joy, the most glee each time I look at it. Which tree is that?

So we wander around. Hold this one up. Try this one. Is this one better? Too tall? Too fat? Too expensive? Then, finally, I can't look any longer and we pick one. Of course, it always turns out great. How could I fail to love any Christmas tree that Tim and I choose together, decorate together, enjoy together?

Today's sermon was about judging our fellow men, unconditional love, ways we can choose to reflect God's character in our own. I am reminded that God loves me no matter what kind of tree I am. He loves me as I grow and change year to year. He loves me when I am droopy and worn out. He loves me when I am on fire and ready to go to work.

And that's what this time of year is all about for me - a celebration of just how much God loves me and the gifts that He's given me. An amazing time of year!

How wonderful to not live with the scrutiny and judgment that I myself throw out into the world. How lovely to come home to any Christmas tree, sparkling with lights, ornaments I've had for years and years, and a house filled with love.

Wonderful!

Friday, December 11, 2009

Cookies

My house is filled with hyper, screaming, wonderful teenagers. They are sarcastic, teasing one another, alternately helpful and totally self-absorbed. I love the sound of their voices, their activity, their camaraderie, their rivalries.

And for just a moment I wonder if this is what it might feel like to be a mother.

Today I watched Tim playing with my 2 1/2 year old nephew with such bitter-sweetness in my heart. I love to see him enjoying Zachary, and to hear Zachary asking for him. But my heart longs to have a child of our own and see him in Tim's arms.

Ah, the ups and down, the dichotomy of this life we live. It is ever present, all around us. The joy and sorrow, and everything in between.

Tonight, the kids are crowded on my couch, watching a movie, a fire crackling away. Deep contentment. Deep longing. That's what I feel.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

First of the holiday blues (and this year, they're mild as well as late!)

I'm listening to Christmas music and decorating my house, hoping to get it finished and surprise Tim when he walks in the door. One by one the familiar decorations emerge from their wrappings, and I smile remembering when. The music plays, my heart feels full and free, and then, suddenly, I'm full of all that missing my mom means. Missing her encouraging voice, telling me what a good job I've done at this or that. Missing her warm welcome home. Missing her love, and all that meant in my life.

I'm thankful for the years I had her, but I sure do miss her, especially around the holidays. A cliche, but true anyway.

And following close on the footsteps of this heavy sadness is a renewed joy in the relationships I have now, the friends who stand close by my side, listen to my woes and joys, walk beside me caring so much for me.

"Joy" says the latch hook wall hanging Mom made for me, that I put up every year. Joy. She worked to be joyful, no matter what was happening in her life, and I've tried to do the same. This year I do feel joyful, even with the nagging yucky things from which life never seems to take a vacation. And I'm thankful for the lessons of joy that Mom taught, how to choose joy even in our darkest days. I don't know that I'm as good at it as she was, but she was a rather extraordinary person.

joy
love
peace
warmth
beauty
family

All those things that are associated with Christmas. All those things that fill my life.

I am deeply thankful.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

More yumminess

I cooked a delicious meal last night that would be perfect for a school/work night - it was simple, most hands-off, and delicious. Don't be deceived by the long list of ingredients. It really is easy. Plan ahead, though - it takes about 2 1/2 hours in the oven. Serve it with simple couscous or rice and some vegies or a salad and you're all set!

The original recipe, on which I based what I made, is from my cookbook simply titled Jewish, and it is from a series of cookbooks I buy at Borders. I love the whole series! I've got 6 or 7 of them. They usually are under $10.00, and boy are the worth it. The publisher is Hermes House, they are about 12x9 in size, with colorful pictures, and very simple titles like Thai, Russian, French, etc. The recipes are usually easy and delicious.

The recipe in the cookbook is for lamb, and I used pork - it's what I had. :-) I'll definitely be trying it with the lamb, though, as it seems like that would be wonderful!

Pork with Honey and Prunes
1/2 to 3/4 c pitted prunes, very roughly chopped
enough hot, black tea to cover the prunes
2 1/4 lb meat (I used pork loin), cut into chunky portions
1 onion, chopped
2 Tbsp dried parsley
1/2 tsp ground ginger
1/2 tsp curry powder
1/4 tsp grated nutmeg
2 tsp ground cinnamon
1/4 tsp saffron threads
6 Tbsp honey, or to taste
1/2 c hot beef stock
1 c toasted almonds
salt and pepper

  • Preheat the oven to 350' F. Put the prunes in a bowl, pour the tea over them, cover and let soak.
  • Put the pork, chopped onion, parsley, ginger, curry powder, nutmeg, cinnamon, a large pinch each of salt and pepper in a roasting pan. Toss to coat all, cover and cook in the oven for about 1 1/2 hours, or until the pork is tender.
  • Just before the 1 1/2 hours is up, drain the prunes, reserving the liquid, heat the beef stock, and put the saffron threads into the stock. Let the saffron steep for just a few minutes, then add the prune tea, saffron/beef stock, and honey to the pork. Cook it, uncovered, for another 30 minutes, turning the lamb once or twice.
  • Add the prunes to the pan and stir gently to mix. Serve sprinkled with the almonds.
Yummy!

Early mornin'

Well, I woke up to snow falling again, a cold, gray morning, and Tim leaving for a week on a business trip. As I write this, I'm listening to Peter, Paul & Mary, comfort music! I have mixed feelings about both the snow and Tim's trip. Usually I love snow, but my car is quite bad on it, and Tim left his car at the airport. As far as his being gone is concerned, I anticipate a week of very quiet, productive days of sewing and some other fun stuff, but I will miss my best friend and companion. He is such a joy in my life (despite my frequent complaining about his slob-ness), and I'll miss his rumbling around the house, and our silliness and teasing.

Think this silly face can help distract me? Big smile on my face right now! :-)

I've got plans to distract myself with projects and time with friends, but mostly I'll enjoy the quiet of the house and the days with no obligations - no meals I have to cook (I can eat a salad for lunch and cereal for dinner - 2 things that would not satisfy my construction working husband whose body requires copious amounts of food, including meat!), no movies I'm not particularly interested in, no running errands for him, and much less laundry. I really think it will be lovely.

But I do already miss him.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Dilemma


How much would you pay for gourmet cookie dough for a youth group fundraiser?


This is my dilemma...

Our youth want to go to a big conference this coming summer, and we're selling cookie dough as a fundraiser. Seems apropos this time of year, right? Problem is, I just did the math. Of course, we can't compete with the grocery store's prices, but how much above that price should we go?

Granted, at the grocery store, you can buy sugar cookies, peanut butter, chocolate chip, and maybe one other flavor. We're going to have things like cardamon cherry, spiced shortbread, and pecan shortbread. Can we charge a premium for gourmet flavors?


Seriously, I'm interested in your opinions. If you can buy a 24 oz. log of prosaic cookie dough at the grocery store for $2.00 on sale, how much would you pay for an equivalent log of gourmet cookie dough if you knew it was for a fundraiser?


Survey says....

Friday, December 4, 2009

Woohoo! The temperature is up to 3' already and it's only 9:05 in the morning!

I look out my windows and the world is covered in sparkling white, like a postcard from Vermont. The sun is shining and everything is bright and beautiful! It snowed two nights in a row, and the cold temperatures are helping it hang around longer than usual. Wish I could convey the beauty of this day, but my words aren't adequate and I just don't know if a picture would capture it. Sure looks like bona fide winter out there, and I'm loving it!

Today is house cleaning day, and some laundry. I've got lots of free time next week, and I'm going to exercise my "no" muscle and try to stay home. I've got fabric to sew a new skirt, and I'd like to sew curtains for my bedroom. I might be able to get both done in a week, since I've got very little else going on, but I have this inability to work on fun projects when my house is a mess.

So, I've had my tea and banana bread (quite yummy, if I say so myself; whole wheat with lots of pecans), I'm all warmed up, and ready to put my shoulder to the grindstone.

Just had to share my little winter vignette.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

For pet lovers without kids...

and pet lovers with kids...

and maybe even people with kids and/or pets... ;-)

It was uncharacteristically cloudy in Colorado yesterday morning, and the temperature had dropped significantly. We happen to live in a house that doesn't have the most modern of windows or insulation seeing as it was built in the 1920s, so when the temperature drops outside, that is reflected by the temperature inside. Sure, our heater tries to keep up, but it just doesn't quite touch the chill in the rooms off the center of the house.

So I was lying in bed, thinking how nice it would be to sleep in a little, but Egg wouldn't let me. He couldn't get comfortable, kept gently touching my face, kept getting in and out of bed. Obviously he was hungry and he wanted me to get up and feed him.

Fine! I got up, threw on some sweats, and fed him.

I was up, though, so I thought I might as well get on with my day.


I talked with Tim while he got dressed, and we joked about our not-weatherproof house. All the time, while we were in and out of the bedroom, Egg was following us. Each time we went back into the bedroom, he jumped up on the bed, lied down and looked lovingly at us. We couldn't resist rubbing his ample belly, so he was getting a good bit of loving. Meanwhile, I had a list of things I wanted to get done, and I started by sitting down at the computer to print out some credit card receipts I needed to reconcile for our business. (Don't worry - I'm not going to bore you with my list of chores!) ;-)

So then it was 9:15, Tim had headed out, I was heating water for my breakfast tea, toasting some delicious rolls leftover from Thanksgiving, and what did I hear? The most plaintive, sad meowing from the front hallway. I peeked around the corner, and there sat Egg, looking anxiously toward the kitchen.

I walked toward him, and he turned, dashed into the bedroom, and jumped right up on the bed, cooing and meowing happily as if to say, "Finally! I've been asking all morning for you to come back to bed. Are we going to snuggle now?"


Just had to tell that story. I love this little guy...and how much he loves me!

Perfect!

Christmas parties are starting early this year, and that's just fine with me! What do I love about parties - anytime? The sound of people talking all in one place. It sounds like a flock of chickens, and it makes my heart feel light and full! Jolly, even.

I went to a perfect party this weekend. Picture a smallish, slightly dark living room filled with tables and chairs, at least 20 adults, about 4 kids, two fat cats, a Christmas tree surrounded by probably 100 presents, each one wrapped beautifully, a large toy box for the kids, and enough food for 100 people. All delicious food, too, like duck, goose, roast beef, and roast pork. To top it all off - about 5 different desserts! All those presents were wrapped, and all this food was made by our host, lovingly, with only the goal of making us happy.

This annual party to me absolutely embodies what the Christmas season means to me... ...unconditional giving and demonstrations of love
...bringing together of people we love
...giving of gifts expecting nothing in return
...delicious food
...lots of people who love one another all crammed into a small space.

Sometimes the Christmas season gets me down, way down (long, boring story). This year I feel filled with joy and hope! Thanks, in large part, to these 2 early parties.

Thanks, in whole, to the love by which I feel surrounded!

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Morning has broken

So it's Thanksgiving morning...well, maybe not officially, but we're celebrating with my family today and Tim's family tomorrow. I'm up early to make 3 pies, mushroom and leek dressing, a relish tray, and then get everything ready to go, including ingredients for making last minute gravy at my dad's house.

I'm in the midst of my usual internal conflict that comes along every holiday season - time with family vs. time involving Tim, me and friends. The friend quotient is what we got used to when we lived in Arkansas and Missouri for all those years, and that's something we really miss. But we know how much our families love us and value time with us - and we're working on valuing that, too.

Ah, the conflicts that we live with every day. The battle between the giving and the selfish that wages within ourselves. The grieving of lost expectations, the rejoicing in new joys. Isn't life such a dichotomy? Don't we live within nearly dual worlds?

Today I am thankful for all the love in my life. The friends who say to me, "You can do it," in a calm and reassuring voice. The family who stands by me when I have tough decisions to make. The love of God that surrounds me always, palpable, felt in my every day and every night.

So here's to pumpkin pie, turkey and dressing, and all that means. Here's to pilgrims and Indians and the coming together of two worlds. Here's to the good and the bad in life, that come together usually all in one day, and just the plain old experience of life as we walk down our own roads.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

The week

So Thanksgiving is this week. Crazy times, these holidays. I'm continuing to work at carving out quiet time for myself, but haven't done very well the past few weeks. The next 2 look more promising!

I know it's a cliche, but I thought I'd just jot down a few things for which I'm thankful...

my wonderful husband, who loves me unconditionally and always sees the best in me
my little kittie Egg - soft and warm!
the beautiful flowers that grew in my garden this summer
fellowship with friends
pretty twinkle lights showing up on houses
a church where I learn, grow, am stimulated, challenged and reminded of the goodness of God
amazing nieces and nephews who bring me such joy

May you all have a Thanksgiving filled with love and fun. Good food, too!

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Ah, summer


Already missing those garden-fresh vegetables, especially the lovely, truly vine-ripened tomatoes you can only get in the summer? Well, try this on for size to warm up your long winter evenings...

Buy some of those tomatoes the grocery store has now - cherry, regular size - doesn't matter much.

Cut out the stem end, slice them crosswise about 1/2" thick, and gently ease out as much of the moisture in the pockets as you can.

Make a slurry of finely shredded Parmesan cheese, minced garlic, olive oil, salt, pepper and one of the following: thyme, oregano, marjoram or parsley (dried or fresh).

Lightly grease a large baking pan. Place the tomato slices in the pan, then drizzle the slurry over the tomatoes. Roast them for 2 hours or so in a 300' oven. They will turn out with the most wonderful tomato-y, herby, summery flavor. Serve them as they are (or gently smash them into a sauce) and serve them with pasta, roasted chicken, a great steak or anything else.

Easy and super yummy.

Trust me!

Friday, November 13, 2009

Two thoughts (kinda big ones for my life!)

Ok, I know I've been writing so seldom that those of you in the habit of checking my blog might be giving up. I hope you don't. I'll do better - not that what I write amuses you in any great way, but I guess it must at least somewhat or you wouldn't keep up with me! ;-)

Anywho, here's at least one reason I've not been writing. I've had a significant change in my physical state: the migraines under which I've suffered for years seem to be diminishing at a remarkable rate. I'm getting only three or four a month, and that is amazing and life changing! I didn't remember what it felt like to have the kind of energy and time I'm experiencing! I can do pretty much whatever I want...and therein lies my neglect of this blog (and several other things - like quiet time to myself). I'm saying "yes" to practically everything that comes my way, and every day is filled with craziness, going here and there. For the first time in years I am able to say "yes" to so much stuff, even to take the initiative on things and follow-through.

I'm having fun, but I've realized something. I don't know how to say "no", I don't know how to control my own life and schedule. For so long, the crazy migraines did that for me, and I don't know how to do it myself. The headaches managed my time by making me unable to do stuff, to follow-through, to take initiative. I so often had to cancel, change plans, not attend something, and now that seems to be changing.

What this means, though, is that I somehow have to figure this out for myself, not be quite so busy. I'm working on it, and excited about the open possibilities of a schedule not hampered by pain!

My second thought for today is this: Yesterday a friend shared with me a momentous event in one of her relationships. Someone from whom she realistically never expected an apology for years of hurt and painful treatment did apologize, and expressed a desire to "build bridges".

I was left speechless.

What an amazing lesson to me - don't give up! I was reminded of what St. Paul wrote in the New Testament about love. He said: "Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance."

Love never gives up.

Do I live my life this way? Do I have this kind of faith and hope about the tough relationships in my life? My friend's story is such a shining beacon to me of not giving up, of lovingly speaking truth into even the most difficult of relationships, yes - for the principal of it, but also as a continuing foundation of love and the hope that someday things might turn around. And instead of avoiding and running away, leaving a stepping stone pocketed with untruths and unfaithfulness, you'll have a foundation of love and truth on which to rebuild.

Thanks, friend, for sharing. Thanks for having faith and endurance. And thanks for always spurring me on to live a better life.

Monday, November 2, 2009

Life's deep questions

Get ready for a really deep entry...

No, seriously...

Ok, not seriously, but here it is anyway! ;-)

Once again it is time to trim my hair, my pretty straight with not a ton of body hair. I've been growing it out, but only because I got tired of having to maintain an actual style. I did have this cute, flippy thing that I enjoyed for a couple of years. It sure was a heck of a lot of work, though. I mean, I had to get it trimmed at least every 2 months! Also, the stylist didn't seem to be able to cut it exactly the same every time, which freaked me out. Would I like this iteration or not?! Whew! Wore me out!

Listen, this is how un-style-conscious I am - I keep my bangs ridiculously short because they bug me if they touch my forehead too much, and I don't even want any layers in my now fairly long hair because then when I braid it, the layers' ends stick out of the braid like an unruly bundle of cornstalks.

So I made my way to Supercuts (my go-to place; why spend more than $15 when all they have to be able to do is cut a straight line?) and sat down in the chair. All around me are people with these cute haircuts. They all look so good! I on the other hand look a little silly with these short bangs (but which I actually like, even though they might look a little silly) and my long, straight hair. I question myself: Maybe I should go back to something cute and fun? Maybe I could learn to enjoy actually doing something with my hair? Maybe, maybe...

Nope. Same old thing. Maybe someday I'll do something creative again. Doubt it, but maybe.

And that is the extent of my ruminating for today. To style or not to style... To conform to the pressure to do all I can to look as good as I can, or to just go with the flow of what my personality dictates - easy and ubersimple... Hmmm, that all seems to have made me extremely tired, so I will end with this:

Nap time!

May you all have wonderful weeks, filled with love from family and friends, with sunshine and all the colors of fall, and joy every day of the week!

And just in case you need something to make you laugh out loud, here's what I looked like after 3 days in bed with the flu a couple months ago. Check out that hair!! Giggles to all of you!



Monday, October 26, 2009

Satisfaction

I spent an afternoon and evening with a friend, reading, studying, discussing, clarifying, and just talking - then eating such delicious food! Simple, direct, hot food cooked in the oven for hours, to get the potatoes soft and the butternut squash even softer - almost a gravy for the meat. Her homemade sourdough bread's crust crunched in our mouths, surrounding the soft, yielding middle that we'd slicked with butter. 

We sat in her warmly lit living room, eating, laughing, then reading Robert Frost poetry. One from our evening's readings stuck in  my mind, and here it is for you.

Peril of Hope
It is right in there
betwixt and between
the orchard bare
and the orchard green,

when the boughs are right 
in a flowery burst
of pink and white, 
that we fear the worst.

For there's not a clime
but at any cost
will take that time
for a night of frost.

Lovely, lovely Robert Frost. 

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Charlie

I'm missing Charlie. 


I didn't think through how long I would shed tears for the little guy who was in my life for so long. I didn't know tears would well up almost every day after 2 months. I guess it only makes sense. So as a catharsis, here are the things that I'm really missing this week...

...the way he wanted me to rub right on his closed eyes and on the bridge of his nose. He would push so hard against my rubbing fingers that he would lift himself off his front legs.

...his snuggliness. I could hardly sit for 1 minute without him coming and asking for lap time. I spent nary an evening without him on my lap. I miss the presence of his warm body and soft fur!

...his crazy hoarse voice greeting me. His greetings in general. Until the last year or so of his life when he was feeling old and going deaf, he greeted me at the front door every time I came in. 


...his graceful and elegant presence. As opposed to Egg who is adorable, but goofy and silly. Definitely not elegant.


Note the silly look on his face! Makes me smile, though...

I guess that's enough of a list. It's a gray day here, so I think my heart is reflecting it. That and last night I woke up once and out of the corner of my eye, and for just a split-second, thought it was Charlie lying on the bed. Boo...

Monday, October 19, 2009

...just thoughts floating around...

Days fly by, leaves fall, light deepens into gold. My favorite time of year!

My life is good and rich filled with love and sweet moments. 

My life has an undercurrent of loss flavored by the passing of time - wedding ring, kittie, old friends, old house, independence.

Move on, hold on, press on.

Jam is made and vegetable beds are laid to rest for the winter. My dried corn stalks decorate the front yard.

I watch the seasons change outside my bedroom window.

I sleep missing Charlie's warm body. I wake missing his hoarse meow. Egg comforts me in his goofy way.

I learn to guard my time and work toward my goals. 
I learn to say no and yes.

Time passing, gently, quickly, unevenly. Life as I know it. 

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Hijacked!

Well, not exactly, but have you ever had one of those weeks that you had mapped out with just the right amount of people time, down time, and then enough time to get everything done before a deadline? This was one of those weeks. 

Then it happened. My husband got a project with a deadline of Friday night. He could either disappoint the house-owner and put the project off a month, or hammer it out this week. I offered my services to him for 2 1/2 days. Those days have eaten up my leisurely week. 

Now it's my turn to hammer out a project. You see, tomorrow morning I'm having a tea for a friend who is visiting from out of town, and as of today my house looks like a human tornado blew through! (Friend, when you read this - NO GUILT!!) ;-D I'll work all day, get done as much as I can, then just smile at the rest. After all, everyone coming over is a dear friend, so they will love me no matter what. Sure would be nice to have a pretty house to present, though. 

The real tragedy is that I've had to greatly simplify my menu, but that's all right, too. After all, I get the satisfaction of having helped Tim for two days (that's not to be read sarcastically), and we had a good time together. I saved him hours and hours of work, and I'm very proud of that!

So, on with my day! Broom, mop, trash bags, laundry pile...here I come!

Monday, October 5, 2009

October


Ah, the changing of the seasons. There are trees in town that are just vibrant. They take my breath away, make me want to stop the car and stare, invite me to walk my downtown streets.
 

The dried corn stalks in my garden sway and crackle in the breeze, and my box of green tomatoes reminds me that summer is indeed over. Slowly my plants brown and dry out, ready for me to trim them back for a long winter's nap. 


The crisping of the air draws me outside, leaves me slightly chilled and very happy. 

I love this time of year, when the days noticeably shorten, when the sun gets that golden afternoon glow, when the clouds that gather seem thick and pregnant. 

Fall in Colorado! Doesn't get much better than this!

Monday, September 21, 2009

Deeper than I thought


I say, "God is good," all the time. And I mean it! I make a point to say it not only when things are going well, but when things are tough. 

I had a migraine yesterday, and sitting in church, I realized something about the goodness of God.  I hope I can put it into words.

A whole lot of us agree that God is good when we've just gotten a raise, when we're healthy, when we aced that test. And a good number of us agree that God is good even when we have the flu, when our pay is cut, when our best friend moves.
 

The past ten years or so have been a season of migraines for me. I think I'm coming out of that, and it is a relief. But what I realized yesterday is this: I hold on to, rely on, believe in the goodness of God not just because he has watched over me and taken care of me, asserted his love to me through all those headaches and made his presence known the most when I was in the most pain, but because I could rely on him to be there. He never failed me. He never left me alone in my dark room, suffering without comfort. It isn't that God carried me through the toughest times after my mom's death - it is that he was there every moment, available not only when I cried out but even when I tried walking on my own. He never left me; he never will. He is bigger than a 10-year spate of headaches. He is bigger than the death of a parent. He is bigger than the loss of a dream job. 


When I told my pastor I was having fewer headaches, he said, "God is good." I replied, "Even when I'm having  a headache, God is good." Kurt smiled and nodded in agreement. But my realization yesterday was that God isn't good simply because he does all those things, and loves me in such a way; God is good because I can reliably expect those things! His goodness is bigger than me. And the reason I can continue to assert that "God is good" is because I know it as an absolute truth. Ten years of migraines. Three years of my mom's illness, then her death. Seven years of graduate school. Four years of Tim's illness. Every move from one continent to the next, one state to the next. Every loss of a friend. Every disappointment. 

I can rely on Him to carry me through all my hard times, and rejoice with me in the good. 

He is reliable. He won't fail. He is worth the investment. 

I say, "God is good," because his goodness surpasses my understanding. It is a simple phrase that for me embodies the character of God and the nature of his enduring love toward us. 

God is good. 

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Endless summer


My husband had the most wonderful grandmother in the world. 

She was like one of those grandmother's from a fairy story - kind, gentle, patient, indulging, yet a truth-speaker, and she loved me like one of her own. She was an incredible gift to me in the short time I knew her. Sadly, she died much earlier in our relationship than I would have liked. I truly loved her.

Gramy (as we called her) had quite an influence in my life, especially when I was a young bride - spending time with her, watching how she showed love to the men in her life, the stories I heard told about her - especially about her cooking. Over the years she won many blue ribbons at the Washington County fair for her pies, pickles and jams, setting a high bar to which I've always aimed. Tim and the rest of the family would rave about Gramy's creations, and one of the highest compliments Tim has ever given me is telling people that I have perfected his grandmother's pecan pie. 


I adore my husband, and if I can please him by recreating (in at least a small way) those wonderful memories from his childhood of his grandmother's pies and jam, I will try to do that. 

I think making jam and preserving fruit is a wonderful thing. I love the whole process, from choosing the fruit, to making it, to seeing it in those pretty jars, and then enjoying it all year long. It is as if you are putting summer itself into syrup and saving it for a cold winter day. 

Last week I went to the farmers' market and bought a box of peaches. They smelled wonderful as they finished ripening on my counter. 


Yesterday I blanched and peeled the ripest of those lovely peaches.


BlockquoteNext I sliced them off their stones...


...leaving a colorful and satisfying mess of skins and stones.


I chopped about half of them for jam, and mixed the chopped bits with with pectin and sugar, bringing them to a boil on the stove (no picture - hands sticky and messy!). That process not only makes the jam sweeten and set, it deepens the color and prepares the jam to look beautiful in the jars. While the jam was cooking, I made a simple syrup to pour over the sliced peaches for preserves.


I ladled all this into jars. 
The leftovers look sticky, huh? 



And this is my fancy scoop. :-D

And then the water bath, which takes a little longer up here at 6,000 ft.


The finished result? Ah, lovely! 
Wonderful peach jam and preserves to last me all winter.


Saturday, September 19, 2009

Not the movie


So I made the most delicious meal this week - ratatouille! Never made it before and, boy howdy, was it easy and tasty. Here's the directions. (Thanks to cooks.com which gave me the start for the recipe.)

1 very large onion, chopped
1 small green bell pepper, chopped
1 small red bell pepper, chopped
1 medium eggplant, skinned and chopped
1 15 oz. can diced tomatoes (I used the fire-roasted)
2 garlic cloves, minced
salt and pepper to taste
2 bay leaves
pinch of nutmeg
1/2 c. red wine
2 Tbsp ketchup


Saute the onions in a generous amount of oil. Add all the other ingredients. Cook on low heat (barely simmering), with the lid on, for a couple of hours, stirring every so often. Add the ketchup the last hour. If your dish tastes bitter after about an hour, add a tsp of salt. Taste it 15 minutes later. If it is still bitter, add another 1/2 tsp. Does the trick. 

When the vegetables are whatever texture you desire (level of doneness), take the lid off and cook off as much liquid as you want. 

Serve over any starch you want - mashed or roasted potatoes, corn or potato pancakes, pasta, rice, couscous, toast, etc. I made fresh corn pancakes from the last of the corn from my garden. The sweetness of the corn seemed to marry very well with the acidity of the ratatouille.


Yummy!!


Friday, September 18, 2009

Dragging

I must be tired! Can it be from the retreat? I did, after all, stay up 2 or 3 hours past my usual bedtime. I was just having so much fun! But this week? I'm dragging. Can't seem to get much accomplished other than cooking dinner. I did write some lists of things I need to do, but didn't really get to them. Well, today's another day, and at least I'm up early. I think I'll have some breakfast and get to it!

I did accomplish one important thing this week - I had a wonderful talk with one of my very best friends yesterday. That made me quite happy! It was so good to hear her voice, just chat like we always have. How I miss her!!

Today might be peach jam day. I have a lovely box of peaches waiting for me - I'll slice some up and freeze them, make some preserves, and some jam. Not much else going on today except waiting for the cable guy to come fix a problem, so I might as well. Easy and delicious!

Happy weekend, everyone!

Monday, September 14, 2009

Weekend Away

Oh, dear, has it really been over a week since I wrote? Well, so much has happened!

Not really. (Sarcasm button engaged...)

I did spend a good bit of time last week helping plan a wonderful retreat for the women in our church. This weekend we went to Westcliffe, CO - 15 ladies came and considering the size of our church, that's a great turnout! We had tons of fun, good quality time, motivating Bible study, and yummy food. Doesn't get much better than that!! Most of us didn't even have to share beds, an added bonus. 

I'm glad to be home with a not-very-busy week ahead of me. I plan to see my nephews, go grocery shopping, take care of some bills, and hang out at home. Sounds delightful to me! I should also finish up some gardening tasks - transplanting a few things, etc. And I might can some jam and applesauce.

So, this hasn't been the most entertaining of posts, but there you are. I'll try to drum up some creativity for tomorrow. ;-)

Friday, September 4, 2009

The Big 4-0

I am on the cusp of my 40th birthday. 

Sidebar: According to my dad, my birthday should really be celebrated on the 4th of September (when I'm in the U.S.) since I was born on Sept. 5 across the International Date Line in Indonesia. He's a silly. ;-)

So, I'm on the cusp of my 40th birthday. I feel much calmer, much less stress than I thought I would. I spent a lovely day with friends who lavi
shed me with love (and cake!). Tonight I had a great conversation about learning, about peace, about God's role in our lives, and how we can learn even while suffering, even through suffering. I was reminded of some amazing things God has done and ways he's taught me with such love and compassion. I got to see my dad, sister, and 2 nephews running and playing. I tried on a couple of new items of clothing, and bought a pair of pants that fit perfectly...AND were on sale!!

And the pep talk I've been giving myself about 40 just being another part of life, about God being in charge of my days and years, about not begrudging turning 40 seems to have taken hold in my own heart and taken away the stress of this usually negative milestone. Ok, so I don't have any kids... (yet ?). Ok, so I haven't yet been published. So I haven't done some of the things I hoped I would by 40. 

Big deal. 

Is God in charge or isn't he? Do I trust him or not? 

The answers to those questions are, "He is," and, "I do."

Full stop. 


I can trust him with all my days and years, with all my accomplishments. I will choose to praise him for each day he's given me. I will pay attention to the lessons he's taught me in the past and try to hold on to them for the future. I will look at this as the beginning of the second half of my life, rather than the beginning of the end. The end? What does that even mean? I am an eternal being, living an eternal life that has already begun. I will live each day to the fullest, love the best I can, serve the best I can. Tomorrow, my 40th birthday, is the beginning of what could be the best time of my life. 

I go to bed full of happiness, joy, confidence, love and peace in my life, my family, friends, and most of all, my God. 

Monday, August 31, 2009

Whoa!

Boy, do you not want what I've got. 

I came home Friday night thinking I was getting a migraine. Woke up Saturday with the flu.

The good news is the 102.5' fever only lasted 4  or 5 hours; the bad news is my cough is so deep and hard I feel like I've been beaten with sticks. 

Thank goodness the headache part went away Sunday afternoon, so today I just have the deep cough, stuffy nose, low grade fever and tiredness. Can't seem to sit up for more than an hour at a time. And after that exhausting exercise, I nap for 3 or 4 hours. 

The worst thing? My poor neighbor's dog - I'm taking care of him while she is out of town, and needless to say, he's not getting the love I usually try to lavish on him.

So for those of you who live in my town, avoid me! 

Friday, August 28, 2009

Friday Again

A whole week passed and I didn't write anything?! I guess I've been busy with everyday stuff. Great news for you all, though - I finally got my WHOLE front yard weeded...and today is mulch day. I plan to get it all spread. I think I can do that in one morning. ;-) Lucky for me it isn't too hot, there's been a nice breeze all week, and I own a great straw hat!

The weeded flower beds look wonderful! I can see what happened this summer, plantwise. Frankly, some of those flowers would have grown quite a bit more if they hadn't been living under the shadow of great, tall grass, but c'est la vie. Next summer they'll thrive because I'll keep up with the weeding. Ah, always hopeful. 

That's it for now. No news is good news?

Friday, August 21, 2009

Night Falls


Some days end with stress and lists of unfinished tasks. Some days end with children's books and goodnight kisses. Some days end with laughter, candlelight, and the company of friends. Some days end in quiet, dessert cooked just for two, and a good book to end by. 

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow wrote this of the end of day:

The day is done, and the darkness
falls from the wings of night
as a feather is wafted downward
from an eagle in his flight. 

He wrote on of poetry, written not by the great ones, but a simple poem written from the heart, to calm the mind at the end of a day. What a lovely thought.

I didn't actually see the sunset tonight, but I did observe the light change to its most golden as the sun fell toward the horizon. I did see the shadows of the trees lengthen and the darkness creep closer. I did think, "The day is done." 

So tonight, I go to bed happy, content in a quiet day spent reading, talking with friends, and relaxing in my sunny house. Four more things for which I am very grateful - quiet days, good books, good friends, and a house I like. 

Goodnight, all!


Home Free

At last! My summer of crazy is over! I can look at my calendar and see more than 2 or 3 days in a row with nothing scheduled - no trips, meetings, appointments. All I have for the next couple of months is me stuff. Lovely! (None of this is to say I haven't enjoyed my summer; it has just been very busy. Had to say that. )

I do have some plans, though. Things I need to do, but they're things that will feed the deep inside of me. 
  • My prayer partner and I are going to resume our schedule. (Missed her over the summer!)
  • I'm going to finish weeding and mulching my front yard, and give some thought to what will look nice added in the spring. 
  • I hope to develop a new schedule for myself. I think that will help me get lots of stuff done. (I hope to include regular time in the Bible and prayer, exercise, cooking, regular housework, and time scheduled to journal and read.)
Other than that, the next few weeks are about enjoying the last of summer's days - some hiking, some chilling, some grilling, and lots of down time to work on quiet things.

Speaking of quiet things, remember this picture from early in the spring?

The barren wasteland that was my front yard. Guess what grew without any help?
You got it - WEEDS!! I fought them all summer.
But look what I managed...

Yes, that is grass that you see.
Oh, can't see it?
Look closer...

This was in July. I planted a native grass from seed. 
In order for it to germinate, nights had to have a low of 60. 
In Colorado, that's July.
I was a good mama and watered it just like the instructions said and... 


Voila! Now I have a suedo-lawn! 
I still need to fill in some blank spots.
And the other side has an invasion of some other grass.
Too much to weed, really.
I'll just let it die off next summer when I only water...
...yes, once every other week!

Triumph! I'm proud and happy. Job well done to me! ;-)

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Stained Glass

Aren't leaves amazing? All the different kinds, shapes, colors?
And when the morning sun catches them, it just turns them into 
absolute beauty!

the grass in my front yard


my little pines and a squash plant


tomatoes


corn


sage leaves


thyme


and my favorite tree