Amazed

I am reminded this morning, with my kitty asleep in the bed, sparkling sunshine easing through my windows, and my steaming cup of hot, sweet tea that I have quite a life. Yesterday at church I felt so surrounded by love - God's presence and love, my friends, my amazing husband. Tears welled up and spilled over.

This is a week of ordinary things - housework, Bible study, time with friends, errands - but things that regularly bring blessing to my life.

This morning I'm just writing to say how thankful I am, how amazed I am. I sometimes sit back and think about the last half of last year - the pain, sorrow, loss, struggle. How on earth did I get through that?

God.

And my family and friends.

But mostly God. And his love that just goes on and on and on...

Father's day

Remember, remember?

Mom clipping coupons on Sunday evenings while we all watched football in the basement?

Dad teaching us, play by play, this game we didn't understand?

Every Saturday, those Air Force Academy games - in the cold and snow?

The football talk every fall - is this the year they'd go all the way? My optimism, his skepticism.

And last year's Superbowl, the whole gang having our own little party at Dad and Janice's house - but Dad sick in bed all day long, me going up and down the stairs, "Is he feeling any better yet?"

Remember all those fun Sundays watching football together? Remember, remember?

And today, once again, it's Superbowl Sunday. To me it kind of feels like Father's Day - I'm missing him so much. He loved football, and I've successfully avoided watching it all season. It just made me sad. So today I feel all jumbled up. Football is everywhere, meaning there's reminders of Dad everywhere, and today will be another weird day of grieving and having fun at the same time. Probably exactly what Dad would want - for me to be able to look my sadness in the eye in a healthy way, and not dwell on it, to enjoy a fun day with friends.

But until the fun begins, all I feel like saying is, "I miss you, Dad!"

Just to make you smile

I sit here typing a few e-mails and Egg jumps up onto my desk, staring at me with those lovely eyes, mewing quietly and forlornly.

I type, every once in a while reaching over to scratch his head, under his chin, behind his ears. He does that eye-smile that cats do, and rubs against my hand.

"Meeoo," is what his voice sounds like. High-pitched and kittenish despite his 10 years (or so).

"Are you hungry?" I ask. "What is it you want?" He stares. He meeoos. I get up to give him just a little snack, but he doesn't follow me into the kitchen.

I walk back toward my desk and he's off - dashing toward the bedroom, leaping onto the bed like a flying cat, immediately flopping down on his side. A crazy eruption of energy, followed by tremendous purring. "Come pet me!" his body says. "Come have just a little winter-time snuggle!"

Isn't it nice to feel so... ok, I'll say it - adored. This little guys - he adores me! :-) Ahh - pet love...

Cozy Saturday afternoon

It's snowing again here and the gray skies seem like the perfect backdrop for my life. I don't mean that in a negative way, but I do live a very domesticated kind of life, and gray skies with falling snow just seem like nature's blanket to my indoors, house-wifey life. Those gray skies feel comforting and cozy.

But don't we all sometimes want an adventure? What would mine be? Where would I go, and with whom? I can think of all kinds of things...

...going off into the wilderness to just "be" for a few days

...driving all over America, writing and taking pictures

...moving to someplace brand new and starting all over again...

But doesn't it also seem like life is in itself enough of an adventure - never knowing what's really around the bend? And to tell the truth, I like it when nothing of note is happening in my life. Again, not to be terribly negative, but it seems like an awful lot of the events in life that get the adrenaline going are tough things. And I've had enough of those for now.

So I think my adventures will remain in books and in my dreams - at least for now. Am I giving up a little? Giving in to age, fear, feeling worn out? Maybe a little. But maybe I'm just saying that I'm content with my own life. And that feels just fine to me.

Gotta keep laughing

So I was lying on my couch with another headache today (7 out of the last 11 days or something like that) and a little giggle escaped my lips. Am I losing my mind or is my sense of humor at the absurdity of my own situation still intact? Hopefully the latter. ;-D

Despite the uncooperative state of my own head, I did actually get quite a bit accomplished this week, and that sure feels good. I'm thinking of buying one of those giant notepads (you know - the kind that people use on an easel at meetings) and keep a list each week of what I've done. Might be good for me to see that written down somewhere. In big letters.

And thank goodness, I've had enough leftovers and ready-made food (like canned chili) so I haven't had to cook much at all. One day that I actually felt good I made scones in the morning, so I've had a lovely snack some days. Tim's pretty much been fending for himself. Good man.

And, as usual, despite the discomfort and nagging pain of migraine after migraine, there have been lovely things, too. Snuggles with Egg, good time with two friends and my sister. Chinese take-out. Wonderful, cold days.

I certainly hope to feel better soon (and I'm sure I will). Meanwhile, I'll catch-up on movies, get some extra sleep, and watch Tim as he tip-toes around the house.