First of the holiday blues (and this year, they're mild as well as late!)

I'm listening to Christmas music and decorating my house, hoping to get it finished and surprise Tim when he walks in the door. One by one the familiar decorations emerge from their wrappings, and I smile remembering when. The music plays, my heart feels full and free, and then, suddenly, I'm full of all that missing my mom means. Missing her encouraging voice, telling me what a good job I've done at this or that. Missing her warm welcome home. Missing her love, and all that meant in my life.

I'm thankful for the years I had her, but I sure do miss her, especially around the holidays. A cliche, but true anyway.

And following close on the footsteps of this heavy sadness is a renewed joy in the relationships I have now, the friends who stand close by my side, listen to my woes and joys, walk beside me caring so much for me.

"Joy" says the latch hook wall hanging Mom made for me, that I put up every year. Joy. She worked to be joyful, no matter what was happening in her life, and I've tried to do the same. This year I do feel joyful, even with the nagging yucky things from which life never seems to take a vacation. And I'm thankful for the lessons of joy that Mom taught, how to choose joy even in our darkest days. I don't know that I'm as good at it as she was, but she was a rather extraordinary person.

joy

love

peace

warmth

beauty

family

All those things that are associated with Christmas. All those things that fill my life.

I am deeply thankful.