Miscellaneous

Sometimes, early in the morning, I lie in bed and thoughts of Dad fill my mind, swirling around. I can't get back to sleep, it's too early to want to get up, but I do anyway just to escape my thoughts.

Did I spend enough time with him? Did he know how much I loved him? He died not knowing the amazing things God did while I was on my trip last spring. Why, of almost all my friends, am I left an orphan? I have so many years to live without either parent. I miss our breakfasts together.

Up days and down days. Clearly today is a down day. But I've got a lot to do to fill my hours - good, practical housework that will keep me occupied. And I'll sit and journal some, too, and try to get some of these feelings down on paper. Just when I think I'm not missing him as much, my heart is filled with tears.

Day by day I walk my life's path, picking the beautiful flowers all along the way, treading lightly through thorny patches, picking myself up when I fall. I'm glad I don't walk alone. Husband, family, friends, God. Today I'll surround myself with practical chores and the good feelings that come from completing those irritating tasks - done! I'll listen to beautiful music. I'll miss Dad.

Tomorrow is supposed to be bitterly cold, and I think I'll plan to work on some project, drink hot cider, and watch favorite movies. Two good days in a row to be a salve to my hurting heart.