Pain

Janice had knee surgery this morning. At the same hospital where Dad was. In the same building.

I didn't expect to be riding that elevator again quite so soon.

I couldn't stop the quickened breaths and fat, hot tears. The panic and welling pain in my deepest heart.

Will Janice be on the same floor? Will she possibly be in the same room?

I'm barely holding it together today.

Can I walk down that same hallway? Past that same nurses' station? To the same coffee machine that was my best friend for 5 days?

It feels unreal. Am I really here? Do I have to be here? And why am I here alone?

Not alone. God is with me. But my heart is breaking none the less.