Grief

I've had a very quiet week at home with Tim gone, but a very busy one. But I'm looking forward to not doing much this coming week before I leave to join him. I'm working on a big house project, and I'd like to make a lot of progress in the next few days. That's hard considering my continued physical restrictions as I heal. But I'm being a good girl. :-)

And I am so tired! I'm crying a lot now, really missing Dad, hurting from it. It comes in waves all day, and I'm trying to not push it down, stuff it, but it is hard. I'd forgotten just how wearing this process is. I think I've said that already this go round. And I'm sure I'll say it again.

I remember now how insular I feel when I'm sad. It turns me from an extrovert into an introvert - wanting to just be alone day after day. I'd forgotten that for months after Mom died I didn't want to see anyone, talk on the phone, do much at all. I'd forgotten how selfish that looks from the outside.

I need to find the balance between loving those around me who love me, and taking good care of myself by giving myself the time alone I really need to process this grief. I'll work on that. I'll start asking God for the strength and desire to be with those who love me. I'll journal and get those feelings about Dad. I'll try to cry when it comes up, allow myself to feel those deep, cutting wounds.

Onward.